Smoke

Originally published at Sasha's Den of Iniquity. You can comment here or there.

For the last day or two I've been experiencing very strong urges to smoke. Not to smoke just anything, mind; I'm really craving a nice, fresh Camel Wide. The fresh smell of the new tobacco. The feel of the cigarette that's just the right size for my fingers. I'm not even craving just one cigarette, either. I find myself constructing elaborate scenarios for a future where I've returned to smoker-hood. I haven't caved, of course, but this is something new in the five years since I quit.

I've been thinking about what might be contributing to this new phenomenon. I can't say for certain, but I think there are three main factors:

1. It's winter. My passing desires for a smoke have always increased in the autumn and winter months. It was my favorite season for smoking before I quit.
2. I have less to do. Recent social-realignments mean I have fewer social engagements than I used to. I have more time on my hands, in larger blocks. Boredom always made me smoke more.
3. I have more stress. My new job is a lot more demanding and stressful than my old one. The pay and respect from my co-workers and employer makes it worth it, but the stress is still there. I rarely find myself able to relax as much as I'd like. Smoking is a great stress-reducer, and I spent years reinforcing the stress-smoke reaction.