1 post tagged “mobile post”
I'm in a sort of zombie-like daze today, after the long weekend ending with me only getting 5 hours of sleep before coming in to work this morning. I'm busy, but I keep losing track of my work and watching the clock. Anyway, I'm going to clear my head by doing a different task for a few minutes; namely, by writing a post for this place. For a topic I'll pick something that's been occurring to me over the last week or so; namely, my disinterest in posting on LiveJournal. (My LJ name is Cynaguan, by the way.) Beware, though: fucked up drama ahead.
See, a few months ago there was a schism within my circle of friends. Someone who'd been my friend for many, many years started acting poorly, treating a bunch of people badly and just being an asshole, son of a bitch. Now, this person was going through a break-up at the time, and has some mental-wellness issues, so I was doing my best to be understanding, give him space, reserve judgment and wait out the turmoil. Unfortunately that wasn't working out. In retrospect it almost seems like he was actively trying to tear things down. Every time there was some trouble, I'd get to a place where we could go back to waiting out the madness, and then there would be another load of drama. This kept up for at least a month until he abruptly decided that he was going to start "writing off" friends because of things he had "heard they were saying", without asking those friends to hear their side of things. One of those people he decided to abruptly dump on was my wife, and immediately after doing so he wanted the two of us to exchange things we'd borrowed from one another, "just in case." I tried to explain how bad I thought it was to dump people you've been friends with for years, based on hearsay, without letting them explain or defend themselves. He wouldn't have it, but seemed to think that I'd still be his friend after seeing him treat so many other people, including some very close to me, like utter shit.
Well, that's not how I roll, see. Like I've said to my wife, "I don't have to be a Jew to think Nazis are bad." I'm not going to be friends with an asshole, even if they're never an asshole to me. So, I told him to go stuff himself. Since then I've had to deal with the fact that almost none of our mutual friends seems to think he's done anything wrong. One or two are still seeing me regularly but others, including people he met by knowing me, see him regularly and are starting to seem to grow further away from me. None of them has said anything (though I wish they'd just own up to it and do so), but they're flaking on stuff I planned with them to end up doing stuff with him. I'm running out of alternative conclusions to draw, and am really starting to believe that sticking by friends and loved ones (not to mention my own self respect) is ending up costing me a lot of friends. I don't know if it's because I haven't forcefully argued my case in the matter or what. I figured I'd respect their neutrality; it's just that for most of 'em it seems like neutrality is a pretty fable they keep telling, regardless of the truth.
Anyway, back to LJ. All those people are on LJ, and it seems to make the place an oppressive one for me. I toy with ideas about writing a big, long screed about the bullshit that went down, arguing my case, etc. That just sounds like drama to me. I think about posting about how lonely an isolated seeing all my friends move in that direction has made me feel sometimes, but that just sounds like emo-kid whininess to me. I think what I'll be doing, for now, is spending a lot of time over here and, in a few months, when I can be more sure who's taken sides and who's just busy or flaky, pare down my friend list over there and see what I can do with the place.
At least over here I can post about books real easy.
